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Op-Ed: Whinerpants, Dramapants, Liarpants – AOC Needs to Redo Kindergarten

Celebrity Dating Game
Have some fun. Watch “The Celebrity Dating Game with AOC!” by the Babylon Bee on YouTube. It’s called “Hate Me. Date Me!” Which lucky bachelor will she pick?

PORTSMOUTH, OH – Whiny children get a blanky, a cot, and a nap at daycare. AOC probably needs at least two naps per day, warm milk in her sippy cup, and a cuddly raccoon.  

Oh, what a drama diva. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently told CEO Elon Musk to “lay off the proto-fascism” and “disconnect” after the bluebird giant banned several journalists from the Twitter platform. 

Is she cyber-stalking him?

According to Musk, the jerkwater journalists doxed the location of his airplane and compromised his safety.  


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Musk temporarily barred journalists who worked for CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, VOX, and others.  

Ah, the Twitter free speech hero suspended the slimy of the slimiest. I bet that felt euphoric.  

AOC put on her indignant actress face and tweeted, “You’re a public figure. An extremely controversial and powerful one. I get feeling unsafe, but descending into abuse of power + erratically banning journalists only increases the intensity around you,” she tweeted. “Take a beat and lay off the proto-fascism. Maybe try putting down your phone.” 

Liarpants responded, “In fact, many of the right-wing outlets you now elevate published photos of my home, car, etc. At a certain point you gotta disconnect.” 

Ahem. AOC, where’s the proof? Pictures? Police reports? Oh, you want us to believe you. 

In his typical nonchalant fashion, Musk simply responded: “You first.” 

Here’s my holiday gift to AOC: “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” by Robert Fulghum. 

Pay attention AOC.  

“Share everything. 

Play fair. 

Don’t hit people. 

Put things back where you found them.  

Clean up your own mess. 

Don’t take things that aren’t yours. 

Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. 

Wash your hands before you eat. 

Flush. 

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. 

Take a nap every afternoon.” 

“Everything you need to know – is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule, and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.” 

AOC, did you get that? 

Let’s review the part about ‘sane living.’ You missed that piece throughout your educational experiences. Maybe you got stuck on the ‘play fair’ instructions.  

Have some fun. Watch The Celebrity Dating Game with AOC!” by the Babylon Bee on YouTube. It’s called “Hate Me. Date Me!” Which lucky bachelor will she pick?

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